Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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