The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
