she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
