I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize