I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
