I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
