Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
