...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
