i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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