Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
