im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
