I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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