She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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