On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
