you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
