Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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