No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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