the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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