Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
