i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
