shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
