Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
