Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
