I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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