im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
