She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
