last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i drank out of a bidet.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
