Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
