Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
