How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
