It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
