he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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