You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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