"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
