Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
