I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
