I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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