If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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