she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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