woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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