Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
