mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
