Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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