before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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