You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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