its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
one might say we're banned from that church
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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