If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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