So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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