toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
