i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
