Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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