I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
