Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
