its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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