Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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