You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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