what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
