We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize