Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
