he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
