remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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