I wannas sexs uuuuu
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
