Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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