Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
