where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize