literally had 100 drinks last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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