my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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