i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
