Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
