i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
