Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
