i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
