We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
