I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
