Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
