i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
