i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
